IN Digestion

But occasionally it does happen. Once for one year, I did not talk to anyone or anything. I was away in my own world, and I gave Salams to my friends.

I am in such a place right now. And I AM NOT SAYING I AM SORRY TO ANYONE I have cursed out in the last forty days because they can’t realize that I just do not find them interesting enough to leave my own world from.  If it lasts for the next few years - so be it. I like being me even at the cost of anyone else and/or their feelings. (and im not really that sad or depressed, I just don’t find anyone or anything interesting, so I am agitated if I am around anyone, or virtually around anyone). (no one takes me seriosly since I joke so much, so that if I say something like i dont like you, its taken as a joke so I have to curse in ten million ways before they realize its true (but then I feel bad while making them feel its true, so I end up making it as if its not true, but then its true anyway, and its a long long shamble and in the end, I still do not get to spend any time totally and completely alone in my own thoughts and in my own head.

I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE having to wake up, or go any where or do anything unless it’s EXACTLY what I want to do WHEN i want to do it. (and RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER DAMNIT!).

Fatima is the only exception to this, I am going nuts trying to wait for her to email or call me (I Refuse to call her because I am a jerk) and somehow I keep missing any chance I get and since I am not talking to her anyway, I can’t tell her that I AM WAITING for her to message me.

I am completely and utterly in love and still somehow a jerk even though I have every intention NOT to be one

Sas