IN Digestion

I am REALLY excited, and a bit distressed - I always assumed, or knew once I retired, I’d be happy, and what not, I kinda am - 4 months - June it ends, and it’s only a few months until then, so I am fairly getting there - but like, I did not factor I guess each possible thing into it. I am kinda used to dealing with life by not really being engaged in it, its like being in a play maybe, but not life. I figured once I got to the life part of life, I would have been ready for it - but in all honesty, I do not think I want much to do with it. I mean I have no choice in the matter - I am muslim so I have to keep doing it. But, unless Allah has something else planned for me, statistically and what not - I Have about  43 YEARS left before I will statistically die. And what if I am actually healthy? I am kinda healthy about somethings, I don’t eat many greasy foods, etc. that much anymore, and I eat a lot more fruits and vegetables then I have ever done so before. But 43 years are left until I will statistically die -

That means if I am treated by Allah like the majority of others, I still have 43 years! I don’t really look forward to being alone with myself, my work, desires, and since I am retired, or whatever, I don’t really wanna just waste it at/with cofee shops, family (’technically I only have my parents, my wife, and my step kids), friends, etc.  -

25 years already was SUCH a long time, 43 years more is TOO long.