IN Digestion

I have made one person happy, and it totally turned everything around for me. Literally for the last few days, all I have is guilt and guilt and guilt for not really having any desire to do anything, but there is one thing, ONE thing that I REALLY like doing, and it sorta supercedes everything else that I do, and I know - in even that - that I -

Ok, well you probably need some background on what any of this means. First of all, I am an ‘amazing’ ‘anything’ - period. I can master just about anything in a very short manner to get a working copy of anything (or use my resources to accomplish it, in a very timely manner) this applies to most of the areas that I work on, and usually faster than most of my peers by a long shot.

Also, I do it in a ‘better way’ so ‘my way’ is sought after, even if its a huge risk for all involved. To make short of it, I still get calls from people whom I have royally screwed over just because, well they can not get another person to do it, the way that they want.

So this makes me insanely good at ‘talking’ and ‘convincing’ people that I am the right person for the job.

But here is the thing, since I was a kid, I kinda realized while the above may hold true for some situations, and in those situations that it does not hold true, I still like ‘making a sale’ - my first business that I started (in which I BECAME FILTHY RICH and SPENT ALL OF IT STILL EVEN, I AM STILL NOT SURE HOW), I made more money as a 16 year old then I ever did in my adult life. - was basically some sort of consultancy. So basically, the motto, was anything you want, we can do it. And after getting the sale, id go out there and learn how to do it, along the line - somewhere or the other, it became natural to me to ‘pretend’ like i know most anything, so I act that way, so it comes off even more so in stuff I actually do know how to do, etc. (to illustrate a point, I have been hired as professional copywriter by a company that clearly fooled themselves into thinking that I could write., and should really have known better). and anyone who is reading this post has surely read another or another post of mine and would know, writing is one thing that I simply can not do. At all -

So, its not really anything its just a combination of things, but basically the way, i work is:

1. I like the person
2. They like me.
3. They see some huge possible potential in a working arrangement with me.
4. I decline, or am incredibnly indifferent).

Note, I LOVE negotations, clients, bosses co-workers, anything, i LOVE to argue, I love to feel like I am ripping someone off, hence I am used a lot in negotiations and coming up with proposals.

People feel VERY VERY VERY good in the first few weeks of working with me.

Then after a couple of weeks or so

hehe, this post is TOO fun to write, and I HAVE a ton more to write, but thats all i want to write for now.. i am done, i need to add that vocal way of recoridng my blog entries again, typing just sucks monkkyes.

But to make a long story short, now that you know the background - evert now and then, it will actually be a friend, well most of the time, thats the problem im usualy friends with everyone i work with, so i always feel bad and guilty, and am always looking for a way to redeem myself, and since i can just keep slipping by, no one actually comes down to hard on me or fires me until i severely mess up, so its just this ‘oh its sas’ for a long long time, and every so now and again, i can usually redeem myself again.

And so now after 3 years or so I can redeem myself with two people (actually 5 people all togehter but in all honesty 3 of those ppl, I wll not actualy redeem, ) but ONE of those two peoples, JUST at the thought of mre redeeming myself is actually so happy.

So I made a person happy today And there is a 95% chance I will actually deliver and redeem both of them.

And there is a slight chance I may redeem all 5, but honestly, with 2 months away from any kind of work, no wife to supervise me and make me answer my phone calls. haha - thats the other thing when i start feeling guilty i ignore calls until its just too much, then i pick up one day out of no where as if nothing happens.. guilt can so be a bad thing, but ahh, you get used to it.

One day, ONE day when I retire, I will stop doing anyting and stop having friends who might ever need me, and then I will be a good person who does not feel guilty. (in shaa Allaah).

Sas