IN Digestion

You know what — I have been doing a lot of thinking and realistically and practically speaking if I do not finish these last several projects before I retire, I will feel guilty for a LONG LONG TIME. Also most of the work is for people who are pretty much friends, so its like double guilt, if they were just work related things, I might still leave - (but I have never left a job EVER, just been fired, it just takes a VERY long time to get fired here, I begged a guy to fire me for months, and he ended up trying to hire me many more times).

But so I decided to grow up and finish all of this, and retire. So I WILL, and I have to - seriosuly, IN WILL never even materialize into what I want to do with it unless I do (and every 1 hour muslimpad.com keeps crashing too, LOL). This is a joke. So (by the way I am loaded with cash, I got paid early, so I do not have to tell ANYONE for at least a day or two, and Adee took away my credit card also, so no access to my american funds either :()) So I came into work today, (I did try to convince them that there is not much I can really do, but one of my managers, HE INSISTS on following some arcane rules and what not, so even though there is nothing, for just one day, he wants me to stay at work and stay even if I have nothing to do, so I kinda did some stuff.) I sent off e-mails to all the clients stuff that I am in charge of, and followed up - usually something I suck at, and now I have a good hour or so before I have to leave, I called up Mr. Yazan to come pick me up early (everyones gone, and I have strange hours because of legal stuff) - but, to my surprise, and to my dismay too. I CAN BE a neat freak even though I myself do not always clean up so well. I have been meaning to clean the kitchen and living room for the past few days, Milk was spilled on a rug, and there is a MESS all over the kicthen (the dishes are relatively well routinely cleaned and what not) but too be honest, you have flour every where, egg shells, cracked eggs that (I won’t eat them) but the people who say they will make something out of them have not MADE anything out of them), and a load of laundy is still sitting in the cleaner, WAITING for me to turn it on. (Honestly, I am not that lazy, its just that this is my only time off of family in about 3 or 4 years, I had some mini vacations you could say in the last few years, but hotels SUCK, and I HATE eating out, especially in the states, but last time I was there, I found a nice halal pakistanmi restaurant close to me, and that turned out to be wicked. But besides that, this is like my little mini vacation, and I get to do what EVER i want, and too be honest, I spend so much of my non vacation time ‘partying’ for the lack of a better word, its not really partrying, i mean again we are muslims, so there are limits, but I am already used  to pretty much just chilling 24×7 with fatima and friends and what not), so I am spending most of my vacation walking around in boxers surprising people left and right. See, every day someone new is over, eithere family of friends, or friends of friends, or friends of friends of friends, and everyone keeps bringing lots of junk food, so thats nice of them - but its perfect, in a situation like this, I do not really have to spend time with anyone and I can kinda do whatever I want, and lately since its my first I guess you can say reaxed vacation, I am mostly just siting around sulking about my 3 projects, that  I MUST do before I retire (GOD, AM I HUNGRY right now, and you know what, there is absoultely nothing at home that I Want to eat, I suppose, I will just have some corn flakes and cereal when I get home) but so when I called Yazan, he said, I can’t come to get you right now, me and these guys are cleaning up your home!

So yes, that surprised me, especially since when he came over around 2:30 to take me to work, he took a fork and put it into a plate of sphagetti (which was HORRIBLE by the way, except the fact that it was yummy and more of a pizza or lasagna then a sphagetti, and the best part was the cheese (GOD, AM I HUNGRY, I will kill someone), so right as he took a fork, he dropped some of the sphagetti INTO MY SPOON AND FORK Drawer somehow. Now, hes a nice guy and all, but HOW DOES ONE DO THAT in the first 2 minutes that they are in a HOME. HOW HOW HOW.

Anyway, the night before, he told me, sas, don’t clean anything - tommorrow, I will clean everything, (in the morning) so when morning came, and he came much past it, too be honest, i was not expecting a clean home at al - but, you know what, I am LOOKING forward to going to a clean home, but I have NO IDEA on earth what I can eat. I have some beef, but I don’t feel like cooking, I have some chicken, but that would require DEFROSTING and COOKING. I can not eat out anymore, I can’t think of anything that I want to go out and get and bring. We have some chicke burgers, but I am really not in the mood, and grilled cheese sandwiches just sound disgusting (GOD< I REALLY hope somene picked up some fruits, we never get our fruits the main mall, as selection is bad and the prices are RIDICULOUS, so HOPEFULLY someone picked some up in shaa Allaah).

So (still have a good 20 minutes left before anyone will be here to pick me up) - I have an early meetimg tommorrow morning, 10:30 AM. I have two choices considering how off my sleep has been. Sleeping pills, or 5 cups of cofffee, I am still not entirely sure which one I will do - coffe means I might work tonight, and stay up all night and make the meeting. Or sleeping pills will mean that I fall asleep and wake up early enough to get to the meeting on time. I HATE morning meetings, All meetings should be dinner meetings (which last night I still somehow managed to miss) - And you know what, I am sick of meetings anyway. I am only used for one thing anyway. ‘Making Sales’ I am not even in SALES, but thats all I AM USED for, “making Sales’ - (tommorrow incidentally enough is not a sales meeting though, so I am actualy looking forward to it, but WAKING UP OR staying up ALL night to get into a meeting, is what makes this world a HORRIBLE place. See if i get to paradise, its not going to be like this, I will just wake up whenever I want, and work whenever I Want. And only the best parts of this life will be a part of it.

I really need to sit down right now and as I write this come up with an idea about what I will eat, I want some nice hot steaming BOILED rice with some curry or chicken, that sounds entirely yummy. And you know what, I AM NOW ABSOLUTELY ROYALLY PISSED OFF, ok nevermore i am not. I have a ‘rage’ problem I get very upset very easily, and just because of how mad I got about 20 seconds ago, I was going to go waste about 50 bucks on some restaurant, because - of this msn conversation, I Just had with Mr. Yazan (it turns out, hes just joking with me apparently) -

Actually I just realized, nothing gets me more decided about food then being upset. Every and each time I have ever been upset, I think I have easily been able to make up my mind about food and get some food, and I LOVE to eat alone when I am mad. Its the FUNNEST thing in the world, 15 MORE MINUTES!

Ok, now that I am not actually mad, I still need to figure out the food situation, there is no more sphagetti sauce anyway to make sphagetti with, and I am still not up to making my own sauce. What to eat, what to eat.

Oh yea, well back to the original thing I was getting at, I am actually looking forward to finishing these projects in a nice manner (I turned down any thing else that might pop up, and DID pop up), and once I am done. I will well though, I won’t be exactly doing what I want to be doing. You know what, I feel like maybe going to a movie thing is the movie theater is so FREAKING far. I hate watching movies in jordan, its a whole day event too be honest. I want some cinn-a-bon though maybe or something, i dunno.

I am hungry.

I want to eat, I HAVE no idea what I am going to eat, I wish these thoughts did not consume each and every day of my life.

Three. I guess in many ways, its really just three.

Sas