IN Digestion

Today, will HOPEFULLY be the last post i make for at least one year. Maybe a bit longer, but about one year in general. Too be honest, I have been using this blog as a scape goat for something else for a long LONG time, and I think I am now ready to possibly stop using this blog for that purpose - which also incidentally means I have no reason to blog anymore either.

I might however still post a video up later on - apparently all the sufis in Jordan are a bunch of queer gay loving faggots who refuse to be on tv by command of their seige lord Shaikh Nuh (you know sometimes, I ask myself why the hell I am even a sufi, biggest group of hags I have ever met in my life), so this documentary producer had to settle by including me in some kinda documentary about converts to Islam (though I am not really a convert to Islam). So basically i got a day off of work, while they filmed me, and I will be on tv sometime - I MIGHT put that up late ron when it airs, just well because, I don’t think I can shy away from being INSANELY HAPPY at seeing my self in a video on my website.

Now, I will post up some meaningful lyrics, and I will give a MILLION dollars TO ANYONE who can figure out what this song means to me - just consider it a type of game of some sorts. Its fun, lol - but really there is only one person on EARTH who has any chance so, its not really fair, but still the offer stands - 1 MILLION dollars (or some other amounr or something, but seriosuly, I will compensate you) if you figure out the meaning of this song.
Er I guess some people that know me in real life, MIGHT have a chance at putting it all together -, but HIGHLY doubtful

One of the best beatles songs EVER.

What would you think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me ?
Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song
And I’ll try not to sing out of key.

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my love is away
(Does it worry you to be alone ?)
How do I feel by the end of the day,
(Are you sad because you’re on your own ?)

No, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody
I need somebody to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love.

Would you believe in a love at first sight
Yes, I’m certain that it happens all the time
What do you see when you turn out the light
I can’t tell you but I know it’s mine,

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody
I just need someone to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love.

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
with a little help from my friends.

Oh, Ammi, by the way won’t worry, I might (read: will) set up a private blog or something in the mean time for family and friends or something, so no worries, I am not disappearing (sometimes my mother complains that she only knows whats going on in my life by blog lol). Serisouly, I HAVE the best mom in the world. If she ever senses something is wrong or that i am sad from my blog, immediately she will call me, and if she cant get a hold of me, all my friends until someone puts me in touch with her. I LOVE YOU a LOT mom

See you guys in like one year or so.

Oh wait, one thing, I will address for now since its just come up TO TO TO many times, and actually now that this blog is not a scape goat, maybe it can be used for something else lol.

Cigarettes

=================

The number one question I get in life from everyone is always related to smoking. So, I will address it now - known to some, uknownst to most and that includes family, wives, ex wives, moms, and close very close friends - truth be told, I have been smoking since a VERY young age and earlier I used to have tremendous self control to kinda try to stop, and also being young and it being illegal and all helped - but in the end, I never ‘ever actually quit’ smoking. I just stopped it at certain times, or was very careful only to do it at certain times and around certain people. And I guess at sometimes even for long stretches of time, I would kick the habit - but its always been there, its always been one of those things just kinda there. And for a long time, only some very close friends new - and no one else knew.

Now, somewhere along the line , as the lines in life became blurry, ESPECIALLY AFTER becoming a sufi, and the lines become blurrier and blurrier, now its apparently ok to worship graves, shave your beard and dance to music or whatever - I was like ok if I seriosuly believe that there is any legtimacy to it all, and by the way NONE of that stuff makes me ’spiritually’ better, I have no idea what these sufis are ACTUALLY ON that makes them think that this shit actually brings them closet to go d (but alas, I accept it a theoretical level) - you know what, there is only a handful of thigns I truly enjoy in life, Drugs, liquor, anything that alters you in any way shape or form - cigarettes are a natural part of someone who chooses to live their life as a druggie. I was well on my way to becoming a druggie, I was getting into harder drugs, more dangerous drugs, whatever you want to call them and I fully intended on abusing my body until I died with any chemical that would not destroy it completely. Seriosuly, this was proabably the only goal I ever had in life - no joke - I LOVE drugs, I love the idea of drugs, in fact the only way I can even imagine Jannah is that its like some incredble high or some crazy trip that never ends. Bottom Line, I was on my way to becoming and I wanted to be a druggie. I had alienated myself from thefew friends I had, aquired a new set of friends, and was taking the necceseray precautions financaillyand otherwise to become a heavy drug user.

Well, somewhere along that time also, somehow Islam hit me, and only two things about becoming Muslim depressed me. Well let me see, ok MUSIC, bit big downer, ok well three things. The idea that I had to actually listen to anyone, like say your parents or the ameer, or whatever - I did not like that any human can tell me what to do and that its wrong for me not to do so, second thing, music, and third drugs. Now, I was ok with being away from like all the major stuff, but cigarettes and beer, to be without those two things - for ever, until life - I mean I accepted it, but ah, as I mentioned those three things, eh kinda depressed me.

Well so now that you know the background, it should not surprise anyone that well since I am a sufi now, who shaves his beard whenever hes bored of the look - I AM OBSESSED with my hair, so its only natural that I am obsessed with my facial hair as well. (by the way obsessession not on comingit all the time or anything or alwyas looking at it, i just have a very close and personal reationreltionship with my hair)

So, since I already think its ok to worships graves or whatever youwant to call it (istigatha) , I see people DANCING while making dhikr, and Somehow evidence wise and theoretically and what not I believe that that is actually OK. How this ever came about, I can’t even begin to understand - and since well, too be honest, I don’t have to many other things in life I really RELLY enjoy. When the opportunity presented itself to smoke again and smoke more (making new friends, some of who were heavy smokers) I jumped on the opportunity and since most any and everys scholar already considers it mostly offenisve versus prohibited anyway.

If you know all of that background about me, its not that I just started to smoke in these last few years, ive been smoking for a while - and I am REALLY so so so grateful to everyone who cares or did care, it meant a lot to me - I do possess the ability to actually stop and quit, and do it every so now and again and it is hard, VERY HARD to do so, truth be told, each time I told anyone that I was planning to quit, it was usually a lie, unless I had like an ‘emanrush’ or something, then it was probably true - but truth be told, ive been smoknig openly for a while, I LOVE IT TO DEATH, I wish I could smoke until the day I die, but I won’t and I have every intention in the world to quit at the age of 30. So I really have no intention to quit now, nor do I want to, and they symbolize ALL OF DRUGS to me, and honest to god, i even feel closer to Allaah when I smoke. Now how can that be? I don’t know, but if people get closer to god by dancing, and singing and clapping and all that other fucking stuff they do. I will let cigarettes take me closer to god too , (that will be my ‘good innovation’ that I am adding to the world, LOL). (What I mean is I like thinking abou god, listening to quran, making dhikr, etc. while smoking) - Its like that song closer from nine inch nails, same idea maybe.

But mom, ESPECIALLY for you and some of my good friends who are sincerely concerned (and again, thank you so much for the concern) - I have every intention on earth to quit smoking at the age of 30. I do want to live a long life, and don’t look forward to lung cancer and all of that stuff. Until then, I am going to be 26 in september, so that means I have a good 4 years and a few months left before I quit. BUT I WIll quit, don’t worry, so no worries inshaa Allaah, and now you know, why sometimes you might see me smoking or if your a reader might see some thing to that effect on this blog.

Oh  yea also, the other question is always how much do I smoke, - I smoke  on average about a pack and a half a day.

Ill see you NEXT YEAR! (Make Duaa I am actually retired by then)

Sas